Intindihan at Antayan

Parang naiintindihan ko na.

O ito lang ang gusto kong isipin.

Ayaw mo kong masaktan. Ayaw mong makita akong malungkot. Pero ayaw mo rin sa ‘kin. O sige, correction… hindi mo kayang maging kung anong gusto kong maging ka sa buhay ko. Quote na lang kaya kita? Sorry, hindi ko kayang maging ganoon sa’ yo.

Ikaw naman kasi. Bakit mo pa ba kailangang sabihing gusto mong isauli ‘yung sulat na binigay ko sa ‘yo noong umamin ako? Bakit mo pa sinabing nalulungkot ka tuwing babasahin mo yon? Bakit mo pa sinabing naaawa ka sa ‘kin?

Ako naman kasi. Bakit ko pa kailangang i-probe kung bakit ka naaawa sa kin? Bakit ba pa kita binigyan ng sulat na magpapalungkot sa ‘yo eh ayaw ko din namang nakikitang malungkot ka. Bakit ko ba ‘to ginawa sa friendship natin? Bat ba kasi ang hirap-hirap na hindi umasa?

Ikaw kasi ulit eh. Nung sinabi ko sa ‘yo na nagkakaganito na ‘ko, na may symptoms na ko kaya lumayo ka na, ayaw mo namang lumayo. ‘Yan tuloy, yung ideya na kahit na alam mo na, nakikipag-close ka pa din sa ‘kin, led me on. Masama nga raw mag-expect pero ang hirap hindi eh. Paano ba gawin yung wag isiping baka may nararamdaman din sa ‘yo ang isang taong lapit pa rin nang lapit kahit alam na niya kung anong nangyayari sa ‘yo tuwing andyan siya?

O sige. Ako kasi ulit. Hindi pa ‘ko nasanay. Ilang beses ko ba kailangang dumaan sa ganito? I mean, alam mo yung mga nakaraan ko. Kaya nga ang sagot mo kung bakit ka naaawa sa ‘kin eh dahil pagkatapos nung mga yon, hindi mo inisip na ikaw din pala magagawa mo. Na paiyakin ako. Pero hindi mo gusto. Alam ko yon. Alam ko mahal mo ‘ko. Hindi nga lang sa paraang gusto ko.

Natatandaan mo pa ba nung iniyakan mo pa yung kaibigan ko? Sabi ko sa ‘yo, you don’t always get what you want but you’ll definitely get what you deserve. Nakakainis, ipapayo ko yun sa sarili ko. For the nth time. Pero di ba sasaya din ako? Hindi pala. Sasaya din ako! Hindi nga lang siguro sa iyo, pero I’ll get what I deserve. Hindi naman ako masamang tao kaya siguro may magandang naghihintay para sa akin. Sana sigurado. At yun na lang ang iisipin ko ‘no?

Tama. Ayaw mo kong masaktan. Ayaw mo kong malungkot. Pero hindi mo kayang maging kung anong gusto kong maging ka sa buhay ko. Alam mong nasasaktan ako ngayon pero alam mong mas mabuti ‘to kesa sumulong tayo sa lebel na hindi para sa ‘tin kung saan baka mas lalo pa tayong magkasakitan.

So parang naiintindihan ko na nga. Hindi mo kasalanan. Hindi ko kasalanan. Walang may kasalanan. Lesson ‘to. Experience. I’m just glad I’m going through this with you.

Okay lang naman siguro kung medyo weird ako for a while ‘no? Ayoko pa ring iwanan yung pagkakaibigan natin. It’s the best gift you’ve ever given me. And if only for that, I’d be honored to go back to being your old normal friend.

Sana pagbalik ko, andyan ka pa din. Tapos isang araw, pag-uusapan natin ‘to, tatawa na lang tayo. Darating din ‘yung isang araw.

So dyan ka lang. Babalik din ako.

At gusto kong isipin: Naiintindihan mo din.

Credits from jenga of peyups

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New Destination

photographer-john-kontogianis

I’ve been on a lot of thinking as to where am i gonna work after graduation. I have my options: My teachers offered me to work as a full time faculty to the school where I graduated, and then a friend of my aunt also offered me an office work somewhere (i still don’t know where, but i think it’s a decent work.. ^_^) and the option that my mom suggested — to work in Singapore (wheew!). But then again, I still have my second thoughts on that Singapore thing.. I know it’s a nice place but then I don’t know if I could live independently there. I mean, hey! i’ll be away from my family, relatives, friends and my love. Can I really live there by myself? That’s the thought I’ve been thinking over and over.. But my other self’s been telling me why don’t I give it a try, if I don’t like it there then I can go home anyway, ayt? And so, i’m going to take a shot there. Hopefully, if things go right i’ll be going there by May.. Yipeey! ^_^

Autopsy on a Spoiled Girlfriend

No cracks, no fractures, no missing bones whatsoever.

Taxi cabs were her favorite way to go around the city. The boyfriend would open the car door for her and assist her while getting off the vehicle. She would take his offered hand like a princess getting off a lovely carriage. She would tell his boyfriend, “That’s what boyfriends are for.” Her boyfriend would nod in approval, kiss her on her forehead and smile. Her every step was watched. Her boyfriend is her safety scout. Sweet.

“If you don’t take care of me, I’ll break up with you.”

No pulled, strained muscles.

She did not suffer from any forms of fatigue. Her life was a bliss. No need to rush to a convenient store to grab a midnight snack. Her boyfriend would offer his phone and she would call the delivery hotline. And on those days when it was not possible to have the food delivered, he would buy it himself, not minding the time nor the weather. No need to go to a spa to relax. He would light an essence lamp and ask her to lay on her tummy. He would then sooth her tired muscles using his bare hands. He was not really good at this but it pleased her. “That’s what boyfriends are for,” she would think.

“Buy me food, or else I’ll break up with you.”

Perfect condition, from mouth to the intestines.

She was well-fed. Where to eat, what to eat.. it was her choice. Her every craving was satisfied. He would also introduce her to restaurants and plates she had never tried before. She would think it was fantastic. She would gain weight and think that was her boyfriend’s fault. He would smile and tell her that how attractive she still was. Compliments. That’s what boyfriends are for.

“Tell me I’m the prettiest or we’re through.”

Clean lungs. Healthy heart.

There was no way second-hand smoke could have harmed her. He was not a smoker. He lived a healthy life and so did she. He would take her to the country side and she would enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. He had to suspend several business trips so they could go together. Because according to her, that’s what boyfriends are for.

“Let’s go, or I’ll find another boyfriend to take me there.”

No signs of depression.

Hers was a worry-free life. Before she could even detect the problem, he already resolved it for her. She was trained not to care, not to worry about almost everything. Worrying was his job. That’s what boyfriends are for. He would be sick but he would tell her not to worry. He would buy and take his medicines all by himself. She would be sick and he would worry to death. A simple migraine and he would panic.

“Make the pain go away, or you’ll lose me.”

She was in perfect health the night he left her and yet she was found dead the following morning.

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Credits from skrew you of peyups