Why Romance Dies

Are you in a relationship where the flames of romance are starting to go out? Or are you single and having a hard time believing romance can last longer than a few months into a relationship?


Romance is how most relationships begin. We can’t wait to be with our partner, give flowers, write cards, shower each other with attention and affection, stage seductions, etc. But somewhere down the road the romance begins to fade. It happens so often that it seems ordinary, expected, natural.


But why? Don’t we all — men and women alike — dream of an eternal love affair? Don’t we all enter into a relationship hoping this person will be the one to love us for a lifetime?


Doesn’t it feel wrong when romance fades? Don’t you feel somehow wrong when you no longer want to spend as much time with your partner? When you are no longer as attentive, thoughtful? Doesn’t it feel wrong when your partner no longer does the nice things he or she used to do? Or when the sexual passion dies?


It’s not natural for romance to die in a relationship. After all, isn’t romance simply a way we appreciate, treasure and love one another? If so, as romance begins to fade, it is an indicator that our feelings for each other are beginning to fade as well. This often happens in the course of a relationship. We feel less for our partner, we become numb, we wall up.


There are three major reasons why we feel less in a relationship over time: disappointment, hurt and taking each other for granted.


1. Disappointment
People and relationships disappoint us over time. There is no way around it. In the beginning of a relationship we put our partner up on a pedestal. Over time, as our partner reveals more and more human characteristics, we get disappointed. With disappointment, we feel less excited, less enthusiastic about our partner.


2. Hurt
Hurt happens in every relationship — more often in relationships that aren’t very good in the first place. We get hurt over broken promises and forgotten occasions. We get hurt by the things our partner says or does not say. We get hurt about not getting our needs met. Hurt shuts us down and makes us want to wall up.


3. Taking Each Other for Granted
OK, so you are in a relationship, maybe you are even married. All the hard work is done, right? Your or your partner’s focus is elsewhere — on your job, kids, friends, hobbies, etc. The relationship will still be there, right?


Wrong. And as you and your partner take each other for granted, you create hurt and disappointment, leading to diminished feelings about each other.


Now What?
So maybe some of the spark has already gone out of your relationship. To revive your love affair, try these four tips.


Bring Back the Romance!


Romance dies. That’s a fact, right? When you find the love of your life, you’ll both settle into a daily routine of financial, household and child-rearing responsibilities, forgetting you are a couple. Right? Romance will only last through the initial crush of the relationship. After that you and your partner will start taking each other for granted … right?


Wrong. It does not have to be this way. There are many relationships in which romance is alive and well. I, myself, am in such a relationship, and you can be, too.


In case you think this is a trivial subject, you need to know that romance matters to the health and well-being of your relationship. Being romantic is nothing more or less than appreciating and celebrating your partner. This means that if romance dies, one or both people in the relationship will begin to feel unappreciated. For many, this can be the beginning of the end of the relationship, or perhaps the beginning of an affair.


Below are four attitudes or actions for you to adapt to make sure romance never dies in your relationship — or to help you revive it.


1. Learn Compassion and Acceptance
Realize that your partner is human, no matter how perfect he or she seemed in the beginning. He is going to do things that bug you. She is going to do things to disappoint you. Expect this. In fact, is there any relationship of any type where this is not the case? Try to have as much compassion for and acceptance of your partner as you do for your friends.


Most importantly, remember that your partner is not acting imperfectly to hurt you. His or her imperfections are not an indication of a lack of love for you.


2. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate Those Negative Emotions
Communicate when you feel hurt. Communicate when you need something to change. Communicate when you are disappointed. Communicate when you feel angry. Communicate when you feel needy. It is the negative emotions like those above we tend to not want to communicate in a relationship. We think we are taking care of our partner by sparing him or her our anger or disappointment. In fact, when we hold our negative emotions back, we are quietly releasing poison into the atmosphere of the relationship.


The best thing to do with any negative emotion is to get it out in the open and resolve it. But communicate these emotions instead of accusing your partner of making you feel a certain way.


3. Appreciate and Celebrate Your Partner Every Day
I know this one is hard to do, but it will help your relationship immediately. I don’t mean to be fatalistic, but accidents happen all of the time. For all you know, today could be the last day you and your partner have together. And if it is the last day, you won’t know it until it is over.


The thing most people regret when a loved one dies is not having had the opportunity to say, “I love you.” If a loved one has died in your life, you know exactly what I mean. So live each day as if it were the last day of your relationship. If this really were the last day with your partner, you would want him or her to know how much he or she is loved and appreciated.


4. Touch Each Other Every Day
Physical connection is essential to the health and longevity of the relationship, as well as to the health and longevity of each of you. If you have been out of practice for a while, you may not feel romantic at first, and may not want to be intimate with your partner. Even if it feels forced or artificial, I suggest you try to connect physically and sexually. As you reconnect, you will find it gets easier to continue reconnecting and to bring the romance — and even love — back into your relationship.

–> just found this article in a forum btw.. ^_^


One thought on “Why Romance Dies

  1. Just to say I’ve readed the two “Thoughts to ponder” posts and I’ve found them really accurate and interesting^^ I also really think the same way about love and relations. Please continue to post some of your toughts like that. I’ll be reading them for sure 😉
    Also, thx for translating Prisoner of Love from Utada Hikaru! I also ❤ that song^^
    So yeah, keep on the good work! Bye bee~

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